Dear Man Who Smells Worse than the Elephants at the Zoo:

Now, I have experienced some awful smells while riding the CTA...but you Sir were by FAR the worst smelling person I have ever had to deal with. Now the last time there was a smelly homeless man on the CTA part of the reason I could smell him was because he was pretty close to me, I don't think the entire bus was dealing with as pungent a smell as I was. But not this time, I actually couldn't even see where you were sitting, I could only smell you. And judging by the looks on everyone’s faces, and the old broad screaming at the bus driver to open the window, I think everyone else smelled you as well. You smelled soooo bad that I actually had to get off the bus, I couldn't take it. I'd rather walk a mile in cold and windy Chicago weather than have to smell you, that's how bad it was. I am not exaggerating, or even trying to be funny when I say you literally smelled like the zoo. It was a mix of really strong smelling urine and like you crapped your pants...several times. I wasn't even the only person to get off the bus, when the driver got up to open a window to shut the old lady up, about 5 people got off the bus with really pissed off looks on their faces, which lead me to believe that was not their stop and they were annoyed they had to get off. I mean, come on dude, it's obvious you were homeless, so where were you even going on that bus? Can you just not torture people and stay outside? I highly doubt you were going anywhere important.




Thanks,
Megan

Dear Crazy Obama Haters on the Corner of State and Jackson:

Now I am going to preface this letter by saying that I also am not a fan of the President and his policies. However, I think you people take it waaayyyyyy too far, and just make yourselves look like crazy idiots. Now I would be okay with that fact that you make yourself look like crazy idiots, but you also make all conservative people look bad, crazy liberals like to associate crazy conservatives with normal ones to try and make us all look crazy. (why do you think the media is giving so much attention to the "tea party" movement????) You stand on the corner of State and Jackson with a table with some flyers and some lovely little posters. Since I did not waste my time going to pick up your flyers, my main problem with you is the posters. You had a poster similar to the one I have to the right. A picture of Obama with a Hitler mustache. What the F is wrong with you people??? Can you please explain to me how Obama is anything like Hitler? Now when I go to your idiotic website the pictures of Obama as Hitler are in the section about the healthcare debate. Now there are many people who believe the healthcare legislation Obama is shoving through Congress is socialist. Well here's a history lesson for you idiots, Hitler was a fascist, not a socialist. So maybe you should pick a new historical figure to compare him to. But no, you won't do that because you want to insight anger in people, get them all riled up so that they start a fight with you, so you can then preach your idiotic views to them. If you didn't have something so extreme, and sooo wrong, no on would pay any attention to you. I personally was looking out the window at your idiots for about a half hour because I was hoping someone would come up and punch one of you, it didn't happen, but you certainly deserved it. The second poster you have says "Send Obama to the Moon" apparently you people are all heated up about Obama saying he doesn't want to fund NASA anymore. Seriously, do you know what kind of debt our country is in? Why the F are we going to send people into space right now? Please give me one good thing it would do for this country? One of my friends told me we need to go to the moon because "what if there are magical things up there we haven't discovered?" That right there solidified my thoughts on why it is completely asinine to be pushing NASA funding right now. My last problem with you people is the fact that every time I have seen you standing out there, you always have one black person at your table. Like you think having a black person standing there is somehow going to add to your credibility? It doesn't help that the guy just stands there while you do all the talking, which leads me to believe that you paid him to stand there because you think people are going to be stupid enough to believe "wow, even black people don't like Obama" just because you found one idiot who agreed with you/or you found someone that would take your money. It also doesn't help that the guy you paid looks exactly (or maybe is) the guy who stands outside the Old Navy on State Street yelling into a microphone at every boy that walks by in skinny jeans that he is going to hell because he is a homosexual. Yea, you found yourself a real credible person to help your cause. So Idiots, please stop wasting your time, and quit making people like me look bad, because some people might mistakenly believe all conservatives think like you. And seriosuly, Obama is nothing like Hitler, and you are not going to convince anyone to agree with your ignorant views.

Thanks,

Megan

Dear Freaks on the Dance Floor at Bootleggers:

Now, I realize I probably encounter people like you all the time, and just don’t pay attention. Normally when I go out I am too busy teaching people the “Baked Potato” (my signature dance move) to pay any attention to the way other people are dancing. Friday night however was an exception, because I gave up drinking for Lent, and everyone knows the Baked Potato only comes out after quite a few drinks. I’ll talk about you “Nasty Old Lady” first, because you pretty much are the reason I decided I will never drink after the age of 30. I would never want to embarrass myself when I’m old the way you did. And second, because you scarred my friend Dan for life, and I thought it was hilarious. I noticed you shortly after I walked in, because it’s hard to miss the chubby, hammered 50 year old lady trying to grind on the dance floor. After a few minutes of dancing by yourself you cozy on up behind Dan and try dancing with him. Dan humors you for a few seconds because at first we find this funny, but then you take it too far. You grab the poor kid’s hands and force them to grab your boobs, and then you proceed to rub his hands all up and down you. The entire time poor Dan is clenching his firsts together so tight trying not to touch you. After a few more uncomfortable minutes of this, you go away for awhile. About an hour later you are back again, once again trying to dance with someone who is about half your age, if not younger. When none of the boys at my table were willing to torture themselves anymore by dancing with you, you decide to take desperate measures to get their attention. You stick your beer bottle in your fat cleavage, and then proceed to do something to the bottle that makes me too uncomfortable to even talk about. Imagine how I felt witnessing it, if I can’t even talk about it? You Nasty Old Lady are disgusting. In the future can you please not get so trashed? And if you do, can you at least not molest my friends? Thanks.

Now on to you, Odd Couple. At several times in the night you were the only people dancing, so it was hard not to miss you. You were the weirdest couple I have ever seen. I have never seen a girl with such long hair. And let me tell you it’s nasty. There is nothing attractive about a girl with ratty, straggly hair that’s down to her knees. And your little boyfriend looked like the complete opposite of anyone someone dressed in a full length jean skirt who has Amish people hair would date. He was a little Hispanic dude wearing a white tee and a flat brim hat. And as weird as you guys are to look at, seeing you dance was absolutely disgusting. You basically looked like you were having sex on the dance floor. I think the only thing preventing you from actually having sex on the dance floor was the length of Amish girl’s skirt. You could have saved everyone the disgust and just gone home and done it. There is no need to subject other people to that. The worst part was you both kept touching the girl’s ratty nasty hair. It made me want to throw up. In the future, if you two are just going to go out by yourselves and make everyone else uncomfortable because of your dirty dance moves, can you just stay home? And if you’re not going to stay home, can you cut that nasty hair????

Thanks,

Megan