Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Dear Creepy Beret Man:

So you hang out in my lobby all the time, creeping on all the girls. I actually don't like to sit in the lobby anymore because everytime I am in there you try to talk to me. At first I thought oh whatever, I will just talk to this guy, he seems harmless, probably just lonely. But no, the last time you talked to me you completely creeped me out. You now have a little nickname for me, you call me "your lawyer" 1. If I was actually a lawyer there is no way I would be living in that building and 2. If I was actually a lawyer I would not be yours. I think I want to have a no creepy client rule. Then at the end of the convo where you told doorlady you are going to talk to "your lawyer" you ask me if I would "like to eat fruit with you sometime"....r u serious???? Who asks someone that? Has that ever actually worked? "Hey girl, I got this awesome Pineapple upstairs, want to come eat it with me?" Maybe that is something that would work in whatever foreign country you are from, but this is America buddy...and asking someone you don't know to eat fruit with you is just plain weird and creepy. So after this whole fruit incident, everytime I see you in the lobby I try to put my head down and run for the stairs so I don't have to say hi to you. Well yesterday you were standing talking to the door man so there was no way I could not look at you when I came in. Since you were in mid convo with door man I decided I could go check my mail without you bothering me. Well I was wrong, I check my mail and then I had to the elevator, it opens right away so I think I can sneak on with out you even noticing me. Oh no, you stop your convo with door man basically in mid sentence so you can jump onto the elevator I am on. Dude seriously, it was soooo freaking obvious what you were doing. It was really so obvious that it was actually pretty pathetic. Regardless I was super creeped out....so just to warn you to stay away Creepy Beret man I have attached a photo of what I sleep next to each night, so you don't get any ideas. And trust me I have accidentally stabbed myself once with this, and it is not pleasant. So Creepy Beret man...stop being creepy.



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