Dear St. Louis (Episode 2):

So St. Louis....the last time I visited I was pretty bored with you. This time I definitely saw some more interesting things at your little Mardi Gras celebration than I did the last time I was there. My real concern is why the hell do people bring their kids to this thing? I mean like to compare for people who have never been there I'd say it's the Southside Irish Parade times 10....and by 10 times...I mean 10 times the people, 10 times the drunkenness, and about 100 times the inappropriate things going on. I personally would never want to drag a kid through crowds of 1000s and 1000s of people...but I can see how that's not an issue for some people, crowds don't bother some people like they bother me. But what I can't understand is why people would want to bring their kids to an event where the majority of people are there to get black out drunk. And while not everyone may articulate that plan....when people start drinking 32oz draft beers at 10am, I don't see how they could have any other intentions than to get that drunk. Who wants there kids around that? I know I don't want to be answering questions like, "Mommy, who is this creepy old man that keeps falling down and slurring his words that's trying to talk to me? "...or "why did that girl just pee on someone's front lawn?" And if you can manage to protect your kids from the drunk idiots that surround them, I don't see how you can keep them away from all theinappropriate things going on. I mean come on....when most people think Mardi Gras, they think boobs. Why would you bring you kids to a place where you know there is going to be slutty chics flashing people? I mean I was actually suprised at the little amount of boob flashing I saw, but regardless...if you are a parent you should have been worried about it. Especially because even though it was too cold for most people to be flashing, it's not like there wasn't still an overabundance of boobs. Every stand I went to had whole string of beads with giant boobs on them. And those weren't even the worse ones....there were plenty of naked chics ones, and ones with dirty sayings on them. I guess if your kid couldn't read you'd be a little better off.....but even though they couldn't read the necklace that said "F the tits, show me the bush"....the visual should be enough for anyone to realize this is no place for kids.

And then there were things like this.....for just $2 you could take a picture sitting on a giant mustache...with a sign that said " I got a mustache ride at Mardi Gras".....do you really want your kid asking you if they can take a "mustache ride" picture? Or even if they don't want to take the picture do you really want them asking you what a "mustache ride" is???? And then there was just things that were out right appalling and everyone should be grossed out by seeing them....not just worried about children being exposed to it. Like this business card I saw which is by far the most disgusting business card I could ever imagine anyone having......What the hell is wrong with the people who own this business? Now I'm sure they probably just named their business "Camel Towing" because of what it sounded like......but I think they took it a little too far with these business cards, making it so obvious why they named their company what they did. People will probably get the visual just from hearing the name, I could really have done without the up-close picture of a chic's crotch. So St. Louis....can you do me a favor? Clean it up a little, or don't allow kids at your parade. If parents aren't going to have enough sense not to bring their kids there...someone should.

Thanks,

Megan

Dear St. Louis:

So I know the title of this is Dear Chicago, but after spending a weekend in St. Louis, it is kind of hard not to comment on the things I saw. First of all, I just want to ask a giant WTF is with your city's choice in artwork? Like this statue of a fat rolly guy on a super chubby horse? It is just really disturbing looking, and I think you should have considered the view from the back before you commissioned this art work. And while we're on the topic of weird statues....seriously what is with the Arch? I mean it was cool to see and all, but seriously what a freaking waste of money.

OK, and on to the people and places...

Dear Drunken Fish: I had such high hopes for your bar. The name just sounded like it would be a great time. So I go there and was COMPLETELY disappointed. The places was empty besides some guy having a dance off by himself and this nasty couple that was groping each other on one of your couches. Seriously bars need to learn their lesson...if you want people to have a place to sit down, please just provide chairs. Chairs that only one person can sit on...if you put couches in your bar you are just asking to see some nasty PDA that no one wants to look at. Which brings me to this guy.... This guy is half of the nasty couple that was sitting (laying on each other) on the couch. While the skank got up to go the bathroom this guy fell asleep. Seriously, what is wrong these people? Don't you have a couch at home that you can be all over each other on? And then fall asleep on? I mean if you are so drunk that you are passing out in the bar, what prevented you from going home a long time ago? And Drunken Fish, what is wrong with you? Show some class, kick people like this out!

Dear Girl with the job from her dad: So I went to your lovely city for a leadership conference. During the conference there was a presentation about job searching, with a panel of recent grads. The second you got introduced I knew how you got your job, your last name is the same as the name of the firm. Seriously, what the heck were you doing on a panel about searching for jobs? What insight could you possibly have to give to people who are not going to get handed a job when they graduate? I'm going to assume that you never went to leadership conferences, because like you said during the panel you "knew from the beginning you had this job"....so really how many of us did you think were in the same situation as you? People don't get involved and do things like go to a leadership conference when they have a sweet job after graduation and daddy's law firm to take over when he retires. You should have done us all a favor and not shown up, because it was a freaking joke to listen to someone who didn't need to look for a job, talk about finding a job in this crap economy. Here's a hint, the only panel you belong on is one about being a spoiled brat, so next time save yourself the embarrassment and just say no next time you are asked to do a panel.

Dear St. Louis: All and all you're not that bad of a city (if you can even be considered a real city)....but I'll stick with Chicago.

Thanks,

Megan