Dear Crazies on the 156:

Today I was waiting for the 156 for what felt like forever. As I was standing waiting for the bus, this lady in a fur coat kept walking around stomping her feet. She had boots on so it was making a loud noise and it was rather annoying. Then she went into the street to see if the bus was coming and continued to stomp her feet, it was like she was having a little tantrum because the bus wasn't there. As I was watching this I was thinking, maybe I could blog about this lady. I haven't had any really interesting things happen to me lately, and this broad seems crazy enough for me to talk about. Luckily, when I actually got on the bus, you people were on it, and I didn't have to devote a whole post to some broad in a fur coat having a tantrum. I get on and I look to my left and I see what I will call Crazy Couple . You, Crazy Couple are arguing, and just generally making a scene, and you look crazy and possibly homeless, so I decide it would be best for me to walk to the back of the bus. I take a seat, but continue to watch you arguing. A few stops down, crazy lady gets up, starts yelling at crazy guy, and sits somewhere else. Crazy Guy gets up and follows her, and is now just standing in front of people yelling at lady. While guy is standing, what I will call "White Trash Couple" gets on the bus. They try to walk passed crazy dude , but he will not move. They push past him and he then calls the white trash lady fat. This sets white trash guy off, he starts screaming and telling the other guy he is going to kill him. People from the bus try and get up and intervene...they try to explain to white trash guy these people have been causing trouble the whole bus ride, and to just let it go...they are obviously crazy. White trash guy will not let it go....the bus driver had to stop the bus, get up and try to control the yelling...telling crazy guy he is going to have to get off the bus. Then in the midst of white trash guy and crazy guy still yelling at each other, crazy lady gets up and punches white trash lady in the head. I'd have to say, it was pretty freaking awesome. So then, bus driver has no choice but to call the police, white trash couple keeps yelling about how crazy guy better not get off the bus, and white trash guy will f'ing kill him if he tries to get off the bus...bla bla bla. Some more yelling happens for like 5 more min. Crazy guy starts accusing the bus driver of yelling at him because he's black. He must have said this 5 times, because right before the police got there all I could hear over and over again was "I don't care if your green, purple, or yellow...you started this." Finally the police get there and block off the bus...one squad car in front the other in the back of the bus. The police ask a few people what happen, then arrest the crazy couple. All while the crazy lady keeps repeating "but what did I do"....bitch, you punched someone in the head, that's what you did. As I am standing waiting for the next bus to come by and pick all the passengers up, I hear white trash lady telling white trash guy she is going to the hospital. White Trash lady, you did not need to go to the hospital...crazy lady punched you in the head, with people standing in between trying to intervene. There is no way it could have possibly done that much damage. And I don't know what you are going to prove by going to the hospital, they will tell you there is nothing wrong with you. And if you are just doing it to try and sue, crazy couple clearly have no money, and the CTA didn't do anything wrong. You and white trash guy could have kept your mouths shut and ignored crazy couple like EVERYONE else on the bus had been doing all along. From now on white trash couple can you just ignore crazy people on the bus? It's always worked well for me. And crazy couple, I hope you just stay of the bus altogether.

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Girls Who Don't Wear Pants:

Now, I really didn't think I would ever have to write about this, because I thought the whole "legging" trend would go away, but it hasn't. And I have noticed a real increase of you no pants people since finals have started at school. I don't know why, but it was like all of sudden half the female population at John Marshall decided..."hey, I've been looking normal all semester, but it's finals time and I want to be comfortable, so I'm going to start coming to school with no pants on."And when I say no pants, I mean you girls who wear leggings with shirts that don't even cover your butts, with the leggings usually tucked into some boots. Now while I don't like leggings in general, I can understand why someone would want to wear them, they seem like they would be rather comfortable. What I have a problem with is when you people wear them like they are pants. Leggings are not pants, they are like a thick pair of tights. Would you wear tights and a shirt that barely covers your ass? Most people wouldn't. So you should not do that with leggings. I think this should be a rule, if the shirt you are wearing is not long enough to be worn as a dress, then you should not be wearing leggings under it. And when I say long enough to be worn as a dress, I mean something that covers well below your butt. This advice becomes even more important for girls who aren't exactly skinny. Because, as a wise girl once said "Spandex is a privilege, not a right." While I don't think being skinny gives someone an excuse to not wear pants, I think the chubbier you are, the worse the leggings look. I personally would never wear leggings because I think they would make my legs look so small compared to my chubby top half, that I would loook like an apple on toothpicks. Plus, it really helps show off that cellulite. You don't want to end up like these ladies...http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?tag=tight-pants . So girls, please put some pants on, and if you are not going to, wear a longer shirt!

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Drunkass in My Hallway:

Yesterday I was sleeping, and was rudely woken up by your loud drunken ramblings while you were fighting on the phone with what I suppose was your girlfriend. All I hear is you drunkenly repeating yourself and asking for some number. You then call who I assume is one of your girlfriend's friends, asking her why "Heidi" keeps sending you text messages saying she "wants nothing to fucking do with you." Now, I think I am giving you the benefit of the doubt when I assume this "Heidi" is or was your girlfriend. You could be like the rest of the weirdos in this building and be a big creep and just plain stalking this girl who wants nothing to f'ing to with you. But from what I was able to make out from your drunken conversation I don't think this is the case. So...you blabber on and on on the phone repeating yourself numerous times about how you don't want to keep getting these text messages from "Heidi", and you keep asking the friend why she is sending them and what you can do about it. You then tell the friend that she should come over, because you "just have about 8 or 9 people over, you're just chillin', playing some poker."...when I heard you say that I was actually shocked, because while I could hear you loud and clear out in the hallway, I would have never had any clue you had so many people in your apt. I mean one I was curious to know how you even fit that many people in your apartment, because I think the most I have ever had in mine was about 4 and that was a tight squeeze. I was also surprised because right when you were giving the girl on the phone directions I decided to check my phone to see what time it was....and it was ohhh just 4:30 in the morning. Why would you invite more people over at 4:30 Like are you serious Drunkass? What the hell were you doing with so many people in your apt at this time? I mean don't you realize that there are people around you trying to sleep? Ya know, like the 2 little children that live next door to you. Now while I find it odd, as I'm sure you do, that a family of 4 would choose to live in this building, I still respect the fact that they have little kids. I would never stand outside the door and basically yell into the phone for like a half hour at that time in the morning. If I wasn't so tired and lazy I would have gotten up and yelled at you, but by the time I was so fed up with you I was actually ready to get out of bed, you finally shut up. I think it was because you left to go stalk your girlfriend, which is a story in itself that I won't comment on at this time. But Drunkass, in the future can you get in fights with the girls you stalk...I mean your "girlfriend" while you are in your apartment?

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Creepos That Live Around Me:

So I don’t pay for my own internet because it’s usually fairly easy to pick up someone who lives near me’s. If I can’t pick up a neighbor's, I usually can go to the lobby. Although by now you all know I like to avoid doing that so I don’t run into creepy beret man. I would just like to say you are all a bunch of freaking weirdos. This is just a sampling of the network names I see when I try to get on other people networks: "Thuglife", "I touch myself," "wiener," (how creative), and the one I think that is the creepiest…."loner." Now the other ones I assume are just immature guys. I know this because in college I shared my internet with my guy friends and our network name was "sugar tits."But loner? That just screams…."I am a serial killer." I am just happy that the "loner" network only has one bar for me…which means "low connectivity," which means…loner does not live that close to me. It’s nice to know that the serial killer in the building does not live directly next door to me. So creepos in the building, I think you should change your network names…for some of you its just plain immature, but others your networks are frightening people in the building. I know there are weird people who live in this building, but I don’t need to be reminded of it when I am in my apartment by myself just trying to get on the internet.

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Spare Some Change Man:

You sit on the corner of the street near my work in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank on the back. You don't always have the oxygen on, but it's always on the back of the chair. I walk passed you every single day, and every single day you ask me, and everyone else who walks passed you if we can "spare some change". I have never "spared any change" so I don't know why you keep asking me. Now, up until a few days ago I did feel bad for you, and I have come very close to giving you money....but never again spare some change man. The other day as I'm walking back to work from running an errand, you ask me if I can "spare some change" while you are puffing away on a cigarette. Are you serious dude? I have always thought your oxygen tank was just a little gimmick you have to get people to give your more money...and now I am pretty convinced. I mean it's possible you can be a complete moron and just continue smoking when you have a lung problem....but I don't think so. And I mean not only do I think its just completely stupid that you are smoking if you really are sick, but why the hell would you do it on that corner? The same people probably walk passed you everyday, and they are going to think the same thing I do, that either your oxygen tank is an act, or they are not going to give you money just so that you can go buy yourself smokes and kill yourself a little faster. I mean if you were smart you would go hide while your having your smoke...because it's not like anyone is going to give you money while you are smoking with an oxygen tank. Or here's an idea spare some change man, spare yourself some change...and quit smoking!

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Atheists:

So I was walking down LaSalle to get back to my apartment a couple weeks ago, and I see this Billboard...it says "Are you good without God, Millions are." I was completely confused by it so I just stood and stared at it for like 5 minutes. While I was trying to figure out who the hell would put up this kind of billboard a journalism student from Northwestern came up to me to ask me what I thought about the billboard. I told her I was confused because I didn't understand who would put up this kind of sign. She explained it was an atheist organization...and asked me what I thought now. I wish I could have been more articulate since she was interviewing me for an article, but all I could come up with was "well that's just stupid." But even now that I have had time to think about it, I still think its stupid. Why do atheists need to promote themselves? What are you trying to do? Convert people to nothingness? I just do not get what you are trying to promote...I don't care that you don't believe in God, that is your choice, but why would you try and convince other people to not believe in God? At least the Crazy Christians actually believe by getting people to join their religion they are saving them. What are people going to get if they listen to you? Absolutely nothing....well actually you might be getting them an eternity in hell if the crazy Christians are right. So Atheists don't waste your money, promoting your belief in nothing, its not doing anyone any good. You can probably just go ahead and take down that billboard now, it annoys me every time I walk past it.

Thanks,

Megan

Dear Crazy Christians:

As I was walking to the train the other day I ran into a group of you passing out stack of "comics" to people walking by. I was curious to see what you were handing out so I took one. When I got on the train I flipped through the stack of comics and found one entitled "Party Girl." I immediately knew it was going to be hilarious, so it's the first one I decided to read. The premise of "Party Girl" is that the devil is throwing a party....that includes "drugs, alcohol, all the hottest bands, and low-grade condoms," and a girl who is going to the party is saved by her grandmother who prevents her from partaking in the "drinking, and drugs, and immoral sex." I have several things I need to say about this. 1. This comic was handed to me by a girl who was maybe 10 years old......Seriously? Do these kids you have handing out these comics read them? I didn't even know what a condom was when I was 10 years old....so I find it a little odd that you Crazy Christians would let your 10 year old pass out a comic that actually uses the term "low-grade" condom. And why are they "low-grade" condoms??? I bet you don't approve of any sort of condoms...not just the "low-grade" kind...so I think you might be sending the wrong message here. 2. Do you really think you are "saving" anyone by passing out these comics on the street? Most of the people that walked passed you did not even take them, and the majority of people that did probably threw them into the garbage immediately, they just took them because they felt bad for these poor kids who were being forced to harass people on the streets of Downtown Chicago. Anyone who actually read the comics (like me), probably just thinks you are crazy. 3. The address on the comic showed you were from a church in Bourbonnais....that's like an hour from Chicago, by the small chance you "reached" someone with your "message," they still wouldn't go to your church....they'd find some Christians in Chicago to associate with.
So Crazy Christians I really think you can find a better use for your children other than having them pass out comics on the street that no one is going to read, and if they do read them they are just going to have lots of reasons to think you are crazy. Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian myself and find nothing wrong with the fact that you want to "spread the word of God"....I just think you are going about it in all the wrong ways.

Thanks,
Megan

Dear David's Bridal Lady:

I go in to your store on Saturday to order my bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding. I have previously tried the dress on so I did not need to try it on again, so I just got to go right up to the counter and order. You don't really get a good look at me, I just tell you the brides name and you start looking up the info on the computer. You keep looking down and you ask my name and ask if I am the Maid of Honor, and go oh "Megan, okay, a size 4?"..you then look up and go "oh no." Now lady I just start laughing, because I know I am not a size 4. But I think you should be careful with making comments like that. I think any other girl probably would have freaked out at you if you made a comment like that to them. So David's Bridal Lady, next time there is a clear typo in your computer system, instead of saying "oh, no"..which was basically you saying "wait a second, this says you are ordering a size 4, you're clearly not a size 4, you are much fatter."...you should probably just say something like "what size was the dress again?, just want to make sure what I have in the system is right". I'm not mad David's Bridal girl, but other chics defiantly would be, so in the future you should just watch what you say.

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Creepy Beret Man (Episode Two):

Now normally I only devote one blog entry to each creeper I meet...but you creepy beret man are real special, you can't get the hint. I have now been avoiding the lobby as much as possible because I am actually afriad of you a little bit. But last week I really needed to use the internet and my internet was not working so I went and sat downstairs for like 20 min. As I was getting up to go back upstairs I see you out of the corner of my eye. I try to like run to the stairs so that I can get upstairs before you start talking to me. But no, you ran over and put your hand on the door to the stairs so that I couldn't get upstairs until I talked to you. You ask me where I have been, and I would have liked to say "avoiding you,"...but I don't want to piss you off because you seem like a psycho. So I tell you I have just been really busy with school work. I then tell you I really need to get going because I have homework to finish, and you go "I'll walk up with you." Really dude, you had just gotten into the lobby and you live on the 7th floor. Were you just coming downstairs to look for me? And do you really think I believe had I not been in the lobby you would have walked up 7 flight of stairs to get back to your apartment? So at this point I am super creeped out, and I don't know how to get out of it, so I just start walking up the stairs. When I get to my floor you stand in the hallway and continue to try to talk to me. You ask me what I am doing this week, and if maybe we can get dinner. I said "I don't think so", and you ask why. Seriously dude, what do you not get? I am not interested. I felt bad though so I then told you I am too busy with school. And you still try to argue with me about why I should be able to go to dinner with you. Creepy Beret Man I do not want to go to dinner with you, and in the future can you not follow me up the stairs? I don't like having to sleep with a knife by my bed...but I will continue to do it until you leave me alone.

Thanks,
Megan

Dear Door Lady:

First off I would just like to say you take your job WAY too seriously. Like I know you are trying to keep this building safe and all, but like so many shady people already live here, I don't know who you are trying to protect when you are so crazy about making my guests sign in and not letting them up until you get a hold of me. Like my 15 year old cousin you make sign in when she is with me is a lot less shady then the crack heads that actually live in this building.



Anyways, now to my real beef with you. So Friday I walk into my apartment and I found my lock on the ground. That's right, my lock actually fell out of the door and onto the floor. Now the lock has been loose for sometime, but I didn't think it was possible for it to actually fall out, guess I was wrong. So I freak out, because like I have mentioned shady people live here and I had no intention of leaving my door unlocked (or with no lock, since mine FELL OUT), for longer than like 5 minutes. So Doorlady, I come show you the lock and ask if there is still maintenance people around. You say you will go check, you check and maintenance man is not here. So you tell me when he comes back you will show him the lock and have him come fix it. I say "oh no, I will just try to fix it myself"...and you slowly try to slide the lock out of my reach. You tell me you can't let me take the lock because you can't let me try to fix it on my own. Are you serious lady? Do you really think I am just going to leave my apartment without a lock? So I just grabbed the lock and tell you there was no way I was going to leave my apartment unlocked...you get all pissy and roll your eyes at me. But seriously door lady you are out of your freaking mind. And door lady I was able to fix the lock on my own without messing anything up so you can chill out next time this happens. I actually just duct taped the lock back onto the door....that's right, duct taped. But door lady that is not your problem...I will address with landlady how it's possible that the lock on my door sucks so bad and is such a piece of crap that it can actually just be duct taped back on. In the future though, don't actually expect people will leave their doors unlocked in this shady freaking place for as long as it would take for the maintenance people to come and fix the door.


Thanks,
Megan